Suicidal thoughts are a severe and life-threatening problem plaguing Iowa’s youth, so much so that nearly 1 in 4 of 11th grade students reported they had thoughts of suicide in the past 12 months. What’s more: 55% of students who identify as LGBTQ+, 21% of eighth graders and 17% of sixth graders reported having thoughts about killing themselves, according to the 2021 Iowa Youth Survey.

However, the topic of suicide is often seen as taboo. Even if today’s youth are more willing to talk about mental health than previous generations, suicide is a very serious and personal topic that comes with unnecessary shame. Kids and teens may not recognize suicide warning signs or lack the communication skills to ask for or offer help. If someone dies by suicide, those close to them may wonder how they could have seen the warning signs, shared concerns or offered help.

Ellipsis wants to help you learn the warning signs of suicidal ideation and offer some steps on how to talk to someone you suspect is having thoughts of suicide. Never hesitate to call 988, the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Suicide warning signs

  • Talking about wanting to die or being a burden to others
  • Feeling empty, hopeless, trapped, devoid of emotion or like they have no reason to live
  • Being extremely sad, anxious, agitated or full of rage
  • Experiencing unbearable emotional or physical pain
  • Making a plan or researching ways to die
  • Isolating from friends, saying goodbye, giving away important items or making a will
  • Participating in risky behavior, such as engaging in reckless acts or using substances
  • Having extreme mood swings
  • Exhibiting changes in activity level, sleep or appetite

Now that you know some of the warning signs, here are some tips to start a conversation if you suspect someone you love is having thoughts of suicide.

Be direct but speak with sensitivity.

If you are concerned someone you love is having thoughts of suicide, don’t wait to have a conversation and show that you care. You can ask direct questions but ask them sensitively. For example, you don’t want to say, “How are you doing lately?” and give them a chance to brush off your concerns by saying they are fine.

You can admit to noticing a suicidal ideation warning sign and say:

  • How is your mental health?
  • I hear you making jokes about wanting to die, but I’m worried you’re really feeling that way.
  • Are you thinking of hurting yourself or having thoughts about dying?
  • Do you feel like giving up?
  • Have you ever made a plan to hurt yourself or to attempt suicide?
  • Do you have access to weapons, narcotics or anything else you can use to harm yourself?
  • You seem like you’re having thoughts of suicide. Is that true?

React calmly and offer support.

If someone confides that they’re having thoughts of suicide, a strong emotional reaction may make them retract what they said or regret sharing. While it’s normal to be upset, try to use a calm voice to share how concerned you are.

But what do you do if someone you suspect of suicidal ideation doesn’t open up when you ask? You may have to ask multiple times, noting that you are simply checking in because you care and noticed a warning sign.

If they do say that they have thoughts of suicide, offer to call 988 with them or reach other immediate help. If kids or teens have thought of suicide, don’t leave them alone and tell a trusted adult immediately. You could offer to stay with them or call another loved one who would stay with them and help keep them safe.

For adolescents and families that have longer-term mental health needs, reach out at EllipsisIowa.org. There is no need to suffer in silence.